It's time...

Long story short. Last 5+ years I have totally let myself go. Divorced 10 years ago, started partying and "finding myself" which led to lots of hook-ups, bad decisions, injuries, but no dwi or jail, thank God. Last 5 yrs, I have moved the party home. Single mom of 2 very strong-willed teens, older home that needs lots of work, busy but enjoyable job. Used the drink to relax, unwind, detach, avoid home stress. Use kicked up from 1 bottle of wine every few nights, to 2 bottles every few nights, to the occasional pint of vodka or 6 pack of beer, to mixing all 4 in various increments, sometimes 3-4-5 days a week. Hit drinking every night a week once in a while, but not always. Have gained 50+ lbs, lost motivation, lost passion (cooking), lost sleep or overslept. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I am only 44 and have a lot of life left. My mom, chronic alcoholic, 12+ rehab failure died last October and that's when shit really hit the fan. Father is a highly functioning alcho, but is starting to show signs of diabetes. I love it and I hate it. I will not drink with you tonight.