Source
r/MtF•
RainbowQueenAlexis

Emotional changes on HRT

I've been on HRT for a little over a month. As expected, physical changes are thus far very minor (I'm over the moon about the fact that they have started at all! :D ), but what has really caught me by surprise is the intense emotional changes. I am suddenly capable of actual, intense, human emotions. I can laugh until it physically hurts. I can (and regularly do) cry my eyes out. I have the capacity for whole new levels of emotions already familiar to me, and a whole new world of ones that were not. The world at large feels so much more real and important and neuanced than ever before. I feel alive. Actually alive. Not like an empty shell, wandering aimleslly through the faint shadow of life that mere survival can be.

In light of this, I have a few questions to those of you who have experience with these things: are these changes, at such an early stage, common? How did/do you feel about them in your own life? And should I expect them to get even more intense than this? Because good grief; this is a crazy ride and I love it to bits.

PS: At the time of writing this, I'm hiding under my duvet and have been crying for at least an hour over a sad news atory. My apologies if the post is incoherent and riddled with typos.

Posted Jul 4, 2017, 9:19 PM UTC

2630
Emma_UniqueUsername22 MTF, HRT 9 june 2017•

hello, I'm at 26 days hrt and can confirm ;) emotions feels a lot more powerful currently. I cried about a year worth of crying in just the last month, but I also had stronger happy moment and stronger feelings in general. Even if it opens the possibility of worse sadness (at least for the last month for me), I'm really glad to see theses kind of changes for the happy/feeling more subtle emotions parts.

6
Em-lyn•

Well, as a pre-HRT trans girl (three days to go!) who already has super intense emotions... I'm so curious what I will be like.

4
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Good luck! 💖 I used to think I was quite emotional to begin with, but this is something else entirely. I'm not saying your experience will necessarily be the same, of course, but I'd be very interested to hear back from you in a month or so and compare notes! 😊

2
Em-lyn•

I'll try and make a post 🙂

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

I'll be looking forward to it 😊

2
peckpogydahKristi |32| Pre-everything•

I'm the same way, I'm pre-everything I cried at the end of Joe Dirt and my eyes are watering right now thinking about The Notebook. I really don't want to know what it's like to feel more.

Although, /aww I'd like a drug to me. I get so happy looking at it my head feels like it's in the clouds.

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

So relatable, and I completely agree. It is so, so worth it and I'm super happy to get to experience it. Thank you for sharing your experiences 💖

3
JasmineTG44 MTF | HRT 5/28/2017•

I just started my estrogen today but I'm almost scared to have stronger emotions...I mean I already do have strong emotions both highs and lows. :-)

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Congratulations on starting your estrogen! 🎉🌈😄😄

You'll be fiiiiine. In fact, you'll be better than fine: you'll be the best you've ever been. That may seem like a bold promise, but trust me on this one 💖

3
CoraZinTrans Pansexual•

I was expecting what you described much earlier on HRT. But I started to notice the emotional changes much later. I think because I've been on a low dose, or perhaps because I'm older, who knows.

I had emotional struggles for a long time, and therapy helped, but there was something internally off that I couldn't address. Like those sad times when I really wanted to cry, but it didn't come out.

It's an adjustment, but women have always had to deal with this flood of emotions.

I just try to remind myself that whatever I am feeling, as intense as it may be, it will pass. Like rushing water, it can eventually slow to a trickle, and settle into a still pond.

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RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

I value your response especially much because we seem to have a different perspective on the matter. I too have struggled with not being able to give my feelings outlets. But where you seem to cope with the intense feelings with a sort of "this too shall pass" approach, I revel in them. The feelings make me feel alive, and I treasure even the painful parts of that very much. Being reminded that feelings can also be something to be managed, not just tagged along with, is therefore especially useful. Thank you 💖

1
CoraZinTrans Pansexual•

Oh, I've enjoyed the new feelings too, really enjoyed them. But, they can be inconvenient at times lol

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Oh yes. There's no off-switch, that's for sure. Perhaps I just have yet to see them at their least convenient.

3
saltbb•

I 100% agree that the emotional changes are phenomenal. Absolutely love it.

The fact that you are experiencing so many emotions so quickly may be due to if your doctor is starting you on JUST t-blockers. Some doctors start you on e AND t-blockers at the same time. My doctor told me that if you only start with t-blockers, your body endures the hormonal equivalent of PMS until you add estrogen.

But, if all the emotions are manageable, that's cool. Just wanted to share the info in case the emotions felt like too much.

4
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Thank you for the info. I've been on both aa and e since day 1, and the feelings are (mostly) managable. It shouldn't be abnormal. We're still experimenting with dosage, though, so who knows :p

1
catchace•

im 30 and going on about a year and a half/ 2 years HRT. When i first started, nothing happened for the first month and a half, and then it all piled up; i felt real emotions, minor physical changes started happening, the fog of dysphoria lifted and all but outrightly vanished, and i felt comfortable in my skin, like a real human being, instead of some sort of creature.

ever since then, its been a fun ride, and ive enjoyed the experience, even though i have no childhood to speak of (the school sent doctors to cajole my mom to put me on all kinds of drugs, just to be allowed to attend the public fool system, or Else.)

3
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It fills me with joy to hear about the changes you went through and how much you seem to have enjoyed it. You deserve every second of happiness, you wonderful woman. Dysphoria is a beast to be slain, and hormones are a powerful weapon to that end. As for your past, I can offer little but hugs and sympathy.

1
serindipitous275•

I haven't started hormones yet, but I am actually really looking forward to the emotional clarity. I'm not like an unfeeling robot or anything, but most of the time I have to force myself to feel happy or sad, without really experiencing real emotion. Idk, happy for you!

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

At the risk of sounding condescending: hello me from the past. You are in for one amazing journey. And thanks 💖

2
MahoniaCrotalus25 | HRT july 1st 17 :D•

I'm only 3 days in and I've already started to experience what you're talking about. I feel like I can even see better, like the world looks brighter and more interesting. I thought I wouldn't experience any of that til later but I'm really enjoying how I feel mentally.

I'm really glad to hear that you're feeling so much better!

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Thank you, and I'm so so happy for you! The first couple of weeks I didn't quite know how much was just placebo, but the changes have just kept on steadily growing both in intensity and diversity. I hope you get to experience the same magic. Because at this point there's no convincing me otherwise: estrogen is magic.

1
MahoniaCrotalus25 | HRT july 1st 17 :D•

Aww thanks! I'm happy for you too :) I was worried it could be placebo at first but seeing your post helped! I'm taking estrogen sublingually and it tastes sweet! So I think my body knows I need it, but I'm sure there's actually a way more scientific reason.

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Well you just made my day 💖 I'm so happy to hear that my post had a positive impact on you!

If I may quote an iconic work of fiction: "Of course it's happening inside your head (...); but why on Earth should that mean it's not real?" Even if this was purely placebo (which it most certainly is not, rest assured), that wouldn't make the effect it had on you any less real. Chances are that the changes I am seeing are themselves undrawing the curtains of dysphoria considerably, which in turn makes me more able to connect with emotions. That's probably part of what amplifies this for me. But it still starts with the effects of estrogen, and the end results are very real. The mechanism leading there is hard to determine, and quite frankly of limited interest (that's coming from someone who wants to know how eeeeverything works).

1
sorryimindisguiseMtF HRT Feb 2017// Lucille•

to answer your questions in order:

  • They are very common, in fact they are usually the first noticeable change.

  • It's lovely. I finally feel human. Before, it was like my emotions were fake and barely my own. Now, I can lose myself in them, but they are always distinctly mine.

  • Unless something changes (increased dosage of estrogen/progesterone, mostly) it shouldn't get more intense.

I hope you enjoy the crazy ride as much as I am.

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Thank you for your (admirably structured) responses!

  • The fact that they can happen so early is extremely fascinating. I suppose it only stands to reason that the more directly a change is affected by hormone balance, the earlier one can expect to see it.
  • ❤️
  • I see. My estrogen dose (4mg) still has a decent amount of room for expansion if necessary, so this could prove interesting 😅
2
thesassycassy•

I had no change in emotion or at least none that myself or family could see. That said I was kind of emotional before anyways. Sometimes I wonder if it has as big of an impact as we all think it does or if it's a little change and from that we allow ourselves to be so much more open because of that small change. The mind is such a powerful thing that is effected by so many things including hormones, external stimuli, mental adjustments, and so much more that who really knows.

Sorry maybe that was deeper than I needed to go.

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Interesting! Yeah, part of the reason why I ask is that I don't know how much I'm just imagining, nor how much is placebo or my brain amplifying minor changes. A lot of it could be crippling dysphoria letting go a bit. But whatever the mechanism behind it, there has definitely been a significant change in me; my girlfriend has confirmed that much.

1
thesassycassy•

Yup who knows for sure, our brains are amazingly complex and awesome things.

2
Princess_Catherine17 MtF•

Last night I cried on and off 4 different times. All of them over happy ideas.

2
RainbowQueenAlexisOPFT 01.04.17, HRT 22.05.17 💖•

Don't I know it. I cried myself to sleep with happy tears last night over a passing compliment, casually made. A very sweet compliment, but the point remains. It's nice to hear I'm not alone 💖

1