Longing to be with someone I don't want to be with.

Do I relate here?

I made myself vulnerable one night and had an intimate night with a guy who I met previously and invited me to a social night he was having.

I had no intention of having lasting feelings with him, but they happened.

He smokes a lot, his sheets smell, his house is messy. I do not like these traits but there is still a longing from me to be with him. I spent a night two nights ago hanging out with him and when I allow myself to let my guard down in moments, it's nice. The next day we planned a day out together. We went out together but I half wanted to not be there.

I'm all about the highest form of loving too. In this journey I've caught some "ugh" and even mentioning that does not feel good.

Longing to be with someone I don't want to be with...do I relate and what do you do in these moments?