Can a woman accidentally socialize herself as male? Internalized misogyny, or just a bad person?

I'm not sure how to explain. Basically, if a girl is raised around a bunch of guys and male friends, pressured into a sexist environment (sexist jokes, being shown porn), to the point where here it becomes second nature for her (porn addiction, jokes w/o thinking), she has a hard time not forcing herself into "the cool girl" role ("I'm a girl but I'm not a feminist", etc.) - to the point of feeling social pressure to be a bad person for the sake of this ("Girls can wish death on terfs too!! Not just a male violence thing!! I'm a violent girl! Fuck terfs!"), even being afraid of being feminine (and avoiding topics that show any sort of femaleness, periods...whatever), wanting to desperately be seen as one of the guys, etc etc etc

is this a form of pseudomale socialization? I'm a female, but honestly, the way both sides are, I'm probably just mentally a shitty teen guy really. I thought I was trans for the longest time, but well, I don't want to be a POS anymore. I've learned a lot but unpacking every little thing. I relate to both male and female socialization. Trying to be as male as possible, to the point of defending bdsm, catcalls, etc... is how I survived my early teen and tween years... I don't want to be shitty though. So learning about actual feminism is just another step to self improvement for me. But... to end on a tongue in cheek note, it's... not always guys. the "I WANNA MURDER TERFS WITH A CHAINSAW11" posts you see on Tumblr, yeah, they're probably literally 12 year old girls who happen to be, most likely, nerds, and therefore meet a lot of guy friends...

Idk what the post is for, just, is there something similiar? How far down did others go before being an evil terf themselves?