Bump in the Road to Recovery

I had a slip and I've reset.

My wife went away for the weekend, stress at work, and other factors all contributed. But ultimately, I didn't resist the addiction enough and failed to put the safeguards and thinking in place to stay sober.

The good news is that it was awful. Just a terrible experience and one that reminded me how shallow and false the whole thing is.

The other good news is I think I got some real insight into my addiction and what some of the drivers are.

The bad news - or the work ahead - is that the drivers are very deep and go to my self-image and self-esteem, my conceptions of happiness, and my most important relationships.

I was aware that recovery is a two step-process. One level is to remain sober and stay away from porn. But the other is to build a new life with new habits and pursuits away from porn. In effect, you have to cut the power to the porn centers, and then rewire yourself.

I was doing the first well, but not addressing the second. This time, I'll get working on the fundamentals as well and put the time and effort into a real recovery.