When Skeletons Come Out of the Closet Of Their Own Accord.

Sorry about posting so much lately. We are moving across the country in a week and a half, which means I probably will not see my FOO ever. Living here means they just might stop by if they happen to be in the state to see someone else. I have lots of mixed emotions about it, but by far the dominant emotion is relief. This story is about how the Southern Baptist Saint (SBS) kept the skeletons buried in the back of the closet until she couldn't anymore, and then hopped right in the middle of the mess she caused like she had a right to be there.

When OS (older sister) was 17, she attempted suicide. It was all blamed on Dad, which was a convenient excuse to allow OS to move out into her own apartment. It sounds like I am down playing the suicide attempt, and to frank, I am. It was obviously a cry for attention/help which I suspect was actually a manipulation on OS' part so that she could move into her own apartment. OS moves back home about 6 months later. During this time, she was engaged to a pretty awesome guy who adored her. Out of nowhere, she breaks of the engagement, and confesses that she is going to marry a man who is a couple of years younger that SBS. Mom was devastated. She loved the ex-fiance, "he had such nice hair." By this time, OS is 19, and I am 17.

OS has a justice of the peace wedding, and a party afterwards. I was the only one of my family to show up. It was very uncomfortable, and my sister had this attitude that I was some stupid naive kid who had no idea what was really going on. Sort of like her just two weeks prior. From that point forward, she acted like a middle-aged woman who expected to be treated as equal to SBS. She moved into his pink trailer in the trailer park, and proceeded to screw up her life at every turn.

Fast forward 4 years, and OS tells me that even before she was in that apartment, she was doing drugs, and screwing around on her fiancé. Having an apartment allowed her to do that without the inconvenience of a curfew or pesky parents interfering. Once she was over 18 and had graduated, she could spend the weekend wherever she wanted without the parents permission or interference. It was during this time that she met BIL and fell in love. Let me just say that I still don't get it, but I am not the one who married him. He is nice enough, but just not, well, attractive in any way. OS inherited a ton of issues from his first marriage (step-daughters who where my age, and lots of debt), and she has always pined for her first fiancé.

When she decided to marry BIL, she had to have her birth certificate. This was when she found out that her father was also the father of the kids mom was babysitting back in day. They had a little affair that produced her. Imagine finding that out just before you were going to get married. I have no idea when SBS was planning on telling her OS, because OS had a wedding date with her first fiancé in six months. Mom made her promise to keep it a secret, but OS cannot keep secrets. I was impressed she kept it as long as she did.

They told me, because I was living in the state that they believed OS' bio dad was living in, and OS wanted to find. I started helping her out by going to the library to look him up (pre-information-at-your-fingertips days), and I found him. SBS could not allow this to continue without being right in the middle of it. OS had a plan, but that didn't matter. SBS came to visit me, did more research which turned up his ex-wife, and his children. Without talking to OS first, she contacted the ex-wife. Any time she came to visit me, she made a point of visiting OS' sisters even though OS had not met them yet. We were all taught that whatever SBS did was just fine, and OS was particularly invested in this view, because she and SBS were very enmeshed.

I had no interest in any of this. None of it changed my relationship with OS, but it did change my relationship with SBS. From that point on, I didn't trust her to share important information with me about my life. Having lived far away from SBS, the level of enmeshment was apparent, and I knew I could not tolerate her jumping into the whole thing like that if it were me. I began to pull away even more. It took me another 20 years to go NC.

OS' relationships with her sisters eventually faded away. Her dad and her brother died before she could meet either of them. Her dad wanted nothing to do with SBS. OS complained about me to her sisters, who then treated me horribly when I did see them. They eventually figured out who OS was and just let contact drop.