Feel like a worthless scumbag after IV use

Made such a horrible decision. I feel the people in this sub could relate. It was not opiates it was a RC Benzo. I got a peptide and needed to sub q it. After that I noticed I had 9 more syringes and solutions of things that can fuck me up. I get very reckless with benzos. It was in a pg/ethanol mix hurt like a bitch but knocked me on my ass for the next 36 hours. Now I feel so horrible. I keep getting images in my head of needles and them penetrating my arm. Veins scared and hiding away. My inner voice screaming at me that I am a dumbass. These images are horrible and make me shiver and want to squirm and scream so bad. I feel I damaged myself, like I am compromised. The circulatory system is closed and by using an iv I damaged it. I feel a bit more breathless and my arms feel a little numb in the crease. But mostly I am just disgusted with myself. Feels bad man,for a high I remember 5 percent of.

*Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts it helps it really does. Mainlining is not one of those things most people speak of casually or joke about unless one is doing dope and those around them also do dope. Not like eating some shrooms or smoking pot. I think it is the stigma and shame that got me. What these people would think if they new I did something like this, that I use which everyone knows personally but my no one does professionally. It will be better just not something I will do again. Now skin popping pt141 I think I can get into ;)