Void in my head

This may be a rant so bear with me

Both my parents are narcissits, my mum was abused by her mum and hates my dad so takes that out on me as I have a dick and the same last name as him. She dotes on my sister while she uses me as an atm and an emotional punching bag. My best example is I listen to bill burr and he made a domestic abuse joke..she jumps down my throat. I was actually abused by my ex girlfriend so much so I still have a scar on my hand from where she tried to kill me but to her that is fair game to joke about.

My dad is a drug addict and has used amphetamines and weed most of my life and now treats me a drinking buddy when all I want is a dad. Thats why I still see him I am sure he has spiked me more than once just to be on drugs with me. He as well makes fun of me for my abusive ex.

All in all I just feel that something is missing from my head like there is this void that no matter what I do it never fills, I have tried study, drugs, alcohol, meaningless sex, work, immersing myself in other worlds by books and video games, therapy and pushing my body to its breaking point via martial arts or working out nothing works. This void is always there no matter what I do and I am sick of it being there.

Am I just broken? Or is there something I can do? Am I weird in feeling this? I dont know forgive me for ranting like this just need to get off my chest and wonder if anyone else feels this void