r/AskHR•
OutwithaYang

How do I go about handling a situation after being sexually harassed three times where I work by now?

I work in a warehouse where there is a pretty relaxed working environment, and there are more males there than females. My problem is that there is this one male who I previously considered just a regular, friendly co-worker and buddy, and who I routinely hugged every morning until one morning when he sexually harassed me after one of our company's weekly meetings about two weeks ago. Our managers and team leads had just finished talking about plans for the upcoming weeks, and congratulating us on a job well done when suddenly, as the rest of us were going back to our stations, and I was walking in front of the guy, he put his hands on my shoulders and started massaging it forcibly. I was so confused at what happened, and wondered if he was trying to 'help' me with something, and hesitantly thanked him, though I don't think he heard me. In my head I was like "Why the fuck did he do that for?" Then later on that same day, another co-worker,who is a little younger than he is, came by my station to check how I was doing with the testing equipment, but he started massaging my shoulders out of the blue, and I was thinking "Okay, what the fuck is with this guy?!" I didn't like both of their massages either; they kept pressing their thumbs within my shoulder blades.

As soon as I nervously said I was fine, he left. I didn't report both of them, though I felt like I should have that week, because I was still trying to process what was going on, and by the time the weekend hit it was too late, and it was already July 4th weekend. By the next week, I hesitantly tried to carry on like nothing happened, and continued with the routine morning hugs, but by nightfall, I was wondering if I should even be doing that, and I had trouble sleeping because I couldn't get the two previous incidents out of my head. I was also creeped out deep down by the fact that the younger guy started winking at me every time I said "Hi" to him, and that re-inforced my sudden secret dislike for him as a co-worker.

Not to mention, on Thursday, I was suddenly feeling drained and not in the mood to hug them at all, and they noticed. They came to my station to asking if I was okay and why I didn't hug them that morning (also noting that they hadn't seen me much all day), then they hugged me while one of them jokingly said "Oh she must be mad at us or something." It didn't say much but tried to act like I was okay, and said bye to them once they started leaving. I asked a friend for help and she suggested definitely reporting it ASAP, and my Mom said that since it's been a week since it happened I should "wait until the next time it occurred to tell them not to do that so that they won't get in trouble with the managers".

That's understandable since I would have been confronting them about something that they probably don't remember doing even though they should, and reporting it publicly after carrying on like nothing happened and saying nothing would only be making a scene that can humiliate me as well. This past Wednesday, though, the older guy did it again, except it wasn't a creepy massage, but a tickling of the back of my neck. I thought some spider or other insect had crawled on me at first then, and I grimaced at the feeling, I saw him walk past me then turned back explaining that he was just "doing this" making a tickling motion behind his own neck, and then I nervously smiled.

I still felt discomfort crawl over me like a black window once he left though. I didn't think of the neck tickle as a big of a problem as the surprise shoulder massage, but it's Sunday now, and I've been thinking this needs to be added to the list of complaints if ever asked by the managers since it still counts as the second time the older one has sexually harassed me. I mean, I have sometimes hugged him anyways in the morning when greeting him, and the other day, he showed me another way to take care of my workload faster, and he's been nothing but helpful to me. But, I feel bothered by that as well, because although he's been a friend to me, and the most loyal one, might I add, he's still over-stepped some boundaries, and I think now would be the time to have a small 'diplomatic talk' about it or something, or at least anonymously request for sexual harassment to be talked about in the workplace.

I mean, I don't want to complain late about this to the managers, especially when other co-workers have seen that I have been pretty chill during the work work and my feelings of sudden discomfort have subsided and aren't as strong anymore, but the neck tickle has put things into question again about the older man in particular, has made me wonder if the younger guy's gonna try something shady again, and what's the best course of action this time. The only thing so far that I have done as of today is start slow and send a message to the company's Facebook about the need for an explanation of the company's rules about sexual harassment (if there is one). That way, both men would get the message as soon as the manager talks to everyone about it, and any other co-worker could try keeping their eyes peeled for anything fishy, and note that the message goes for all of us (while also keeping me from getting singled out as the one who requested it). What do you think about the idea? Any advice? Do you think there's a better solution that I should take in addition to how I decided to handle it?

Posted Jul 16, 2017, 10:18 PM UTC

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