I need to put booze behind me for good.

When I met the woman who would be my wife, I was sober. I had decided to dry out for awhile after a series of poor decisions on my inebriated conscience. We began dating, and I got that sense of happiness that tells the addict "now you can use and it's cool, you're happy. It's fun."

I began drinking at age 16 with my friends. I was careful, and only drank in controlled environments. It was normal teenage behaviour. I never asked for or had any trouble. As I got older, and the realities of the world knocked me on my ass, I drank more and more heavily and became more and more reckless. The absolute height of my alcohol abuse was living on unemployment after being laid off from my job. I lived in a party house with 3 other drinkers and I was consuming as much as 2 fifths of bourbon a day to myself.

Feeling unfulfilled, as well as being broke, and being reinforced by the punk scene and the debauchery that goes with it in my city, I willingly left my home to drift about, as I had no running vehicle and wished to be closer to the action. It was a couple of years that I practiced "get wasted first, find a place to sleep later." I played in bands and that afforded me my drinks, as well as people to give me a couch or floor to pass out on. This is where the poor decisions came into play, and I decided that I needed to wise up.

I met my wife, ironically, at the bar that was home to my old habit. I worked door and/or acted as bouncer there. We dated and moved in together, and eventually married. I took a job that, while doesn't exactly "enrich the soul", pays better than working for pennies playing sludge metal and checking ID's. Somewhere since then, my drinking became more pronounced. It wasn't just fun anymore. I hate my job, my band broke up, and I don't see any friends.

These are my choices. I drink to cope. Granted the quantity is nowhere near what I would consume in my younger years, my unhappiness is perpetuated by my drinking. I need to learn to live without it, once and for all. It stresses my marriage, and wastes my time and money. I found this sub and decided, after an afternoon six pack, that I needed to type this out. I need to be able to read this back to myself.

Thank you for the forum.