I really miss being intamate (not sex) with someone.

My girlfriend of 18 months broke up with me back in February. I've just got my head around the fact that I don't love her anymore, and that she broke up with me for the right reasons - namely she couldn't be the person that I wanted her to be - and that if (unlikely) she came back to me I'd tell her she was right the first time.

The person I wanted her to be was someone she was in the first 6 months together - she loved physical displays of affection, both sexual and non sexual, private and public.

However over a period of a year but due to back surgery, her fibromyalgia, her stressful job and (I believe) her sisters wedding took their toll (my ex had been through a disastrous marriage and I believe that her sister getting married was somewhat bitter-sweet for her and raised a lot of buried issues for her). As a result, we didn't have sex for year until we broke up and she became someone who didn't like the kissing and cuddling that for me, I've realised is fundamental in a relationship. She broke up with me in a shitty way - over the phone - but she did so with the best of intentions.

Now I do miss the sex. I've thought about joining special websites as it were. Or pay for it. But I've deep down felt that it wouldn't be right to do so. Not without a relationship first (not to mention other 'risks' involved).

And, as I've laid here slightly drunk and alone, I've realised why I feel so strongly about not having sex outside of a relationship (NB I'm not the most confident guy ever so I've only had two relationships both from online dating). It's something that I've always known. Yup what I care about most, what I miss most, is the feeling of being held, being kissed, being loved. Feeling her body against mine. Feeling that this person is special to you and you're special to them. For me, making love is a nice bonus, not the end game.

That's why, even if I had the looks charisma of James Bond (I REALLY don't) I'd never go out and just shag a woman. Because it'd be meaningless without the compassionate love that goes with it.

TL;DR: I'm lonely and miss cuddling and kissing someone I deeply love and care about.