I [30/F] have been feeling insecure about my performance at work these past two weeks due to various events and my anxiety and tomorrow I have to do a presentation to all the office. I'm scared I'll have a panic attack and I don't know if it should be good to talk to my boss [32?/M] about it

Hi Reddit, talking about this to a bunch of strangers is weird but I want to see if I can go to work in the best mood as possible tomorrow, so here I go...

Some background first. I'm a web developer who recently moved abroad 7 months ago. After some good and bad experiences regarding to my professional development as an immigrant I finally landed a job I'm incredibly satisfied this February.

I work in a startup, though they have some time in their business and the number of clients is growing very fast. I had to do 3 interviews to get hired. The first one was where I met my current boss where he asked me things about my technical knowledge. I must say that I didn't know that he was going to sort of "test me" so fast so I went there without refreshing the basic stuff about the position I was applying to, so I was incredibly nervous when he started asking me to explain technical things. In one moment I casually said I know English (not my first language) and he started to talk to me in English! The rest of the interview was like that and when we finished he told me right away as I was leaving that I got the second interview. I felt very happy and accomplished that day and think I caused a good impression on him.

I was so ecstatic when he called me telling me they selected me to work with them. And from the first moment my boss has been very supportive, because I had some problems with the people of the job I quit to take this one and he took it well when I explained the situation (they were threatening to talk bad about me to the company because they took bad my resignation).

The office consists of 15 people. The development team are 5 people including myself and my boss. He is the kind of boss who thinks that a happy employee works better, so he always try to make activities for team bonding and trying to push us to learn new things. And he was always trying to make feel comfortable since I'm still learning how many things work. I really admire him as a professional and as a person.

And now to my problem right now. I've suffered from some mental issues since a long time, including anxiety. It affects me a lot when I'm starting any new job since I put incredible pressure on myself and when I fail at something I get very upset sometimes. I had seen therapists and taken medication about it since it affects other areas besides work and I've improved a lot. I still have a long way to go though.

I have talked about these issues to my boss and again, he has been very supportive and has told me that his main interest right now is that I learn things about the job and that I feel good in the workplace, not about being fast. I usually get over it but these last two weeks I've been upset and I can't shake this thinking of feeling I'm not doing a good performance at work.

Lately I've been having some troubles in other areas of my life and the last two weeks were very stressful at work and I felt that I made many mistakes on things and like I did very little compared to my colleagues.

I also feel like I don't fit much in the team, I don't engage in many conversations with my team mates that aren't work related. I know I shouldn't expect to be friends with my workmates but still it kinda saddens me listening them to talk about random stuff and only talk to me when necessary. I remember one time they celebrated a birthday in the office, I went to the bathroom quickly and they began singing without me. It's kinda silly I think, but I felt left out.

So, I don't know... I think the sum of those things so fast it's making me feel like they won't want me anymore sooner than later. Like I'll never be able to bond with the team, or like I'll never reach their technical level or their speed. And also the fact that I'm worrying about this will affect how my boss see me and change his opinion about me.

Two days ago he asked me how I felt about doing the weekly team presentation. It's simple stuff. Just tell the whole office what the team did that week. But it will be my first time doing it. I'm already apprehensive with public speaking but I feel when I stand here people will see that I'm not doing ok and I'm scared I'll break and have a panic attack, something that has happened before in another job. I'm afraid I'll embarrass myself and worse, that they think I'm not a professional, that I'm a bad employee. Sometimes I feel like I tricked my boss or something, because I was so confident in that first interview and now they get this person who is very scared of talking with people she knows.

I'm seeing a therapist right now, and I thought today was my session with her and I intended to talk about this things but it turned out it's next week. I went to the clinic and everything and I felt very awkward when the secretary told me I didn't have a reserved hour with her. She's also in vacation. I don't have close friends to talk about this and my brother works at nights. I have no one to talk about this right now.

I don't know if I should talk about this to my boss. Is just... That he helped when I was having problems doing some tasks this week and the week before, and I guess I don't want to bother him anymore.

I also don't want to back down from the presentation. I'll feel like a failure if I'm not able to do it. But I don't know how to approach this in a good way.

I love my job, this is a place I see myself working for a while. Should I talk to my boss tomorrow? If so, what should I say?

TLDR: I have an incredible job that I love but I'm feeling unsure about my performance lately due to stressful events and my anxiety and I have to do a presentation tomorrow. I'm scared I'll feel overwhelmed and I'll have a panic attack. I feel like if I talk about this with my boss his impression of me will change and will think I'm unprofessional.