I wish I can start parts of life over

I hate myself and my inscurites. I hate who I am. I wish I can change who I am. I feel drenched with myself and feel trapped within myself. I have a good life, I can't complain about that. But I'm sorry for who I am? Okay? I'm sorry.... I'm sorry for those who walk into my life and feel like they have to put up with me, for how I can be. I'm sorry all of you who have set up a mind of who I really am and that I've changed recently because of her. She was so important to me and now she make me feel worthless.

I've always tried to be a good person and help others and be kind and selfless and carrying and loving. I've gotten so tired of being this way that I hope to expect it back after not being treated like how I care for others so much. I feel so alone in that sense. My anxiety has gotten so bad over the last few months. I feel like such a burden to my friends. They say I'm not and tell me to stop acting stupid, but at the end of the day when I'm by myself, I think of things like that. I let that side take me over because I've become so weak. I can't tell what's happening. I feel like I'm just going through the motions now and whatever happens, happens. I was never this bad until I met you. I feel like trash for feeling like this. Obviously they're my friends. They've been friends for years and have helped me so much through a lot of things. I'm so destroyed because of you. I wish I never met you. The best and also the worst thing that's happened to me in my whole life. I just want to be normal again. I just want to stop feeling this way!!! I just want all to end, please? I feel like I just want to disappear from everyone because I feel like a burden