Any parents here? Questions about lesbian babymaking!

I tried queerception (lovely people!) and a few other gay parent subreddits but they are somewhat deserted!

My wife and I want a baby - I want it really badly, she also does want it, but she is younger and clearly feels less pressure (and I feel like my bio clock ticks louder each day, hers seems to be pretty constant).

Our favoured way of going ahead (reciprocal IVF) is very expensive. We could afford it, but we would be giving up other things (things we would like to offer our child). Me being older I always assumed I would go first, but she has expressed that she would like to go first - because of her complicated family history and because I am more maternal, she fears not feeling as connected if she is not carrying and then will not be full of hormones and milk, etc... I can see this. I also earn more money, so it would be in our interest to not have me on maternity leave.

She also feels a stronger urge to have her genes in the child, I don't have that urge at all - I feel pretty confident that a child she bears would be mine no matter what. My main worry is that if she goes first and it ends up working after a fair few attempts (as is to be expected) and then we wait a few years to enjoy kid number 1, I will simply not have the fertility when we go to make child number 2 (and we definitely want a second kid). We would then need her to have kid number 2 as well.

So I wondered if anyone here who is a parent but did not carry could tell me how they feel about it. Do you feel you missed out on something?

Or first time mothers who did not carry - did you feel part of the process? What were things that helped you feel like it was your child?

Thank you!