My debilitating paranoia is coming back

Sorry for the poor formatting, I am a mobile user.

A few years ago my paranoia and panic disorder were really bad. The littlest things would send me into panic attacks that were so bad I had to go to the hospital - I had visual, tactile and audible hallucinations, and was afraid to even go outside.

Since then I have (or had, I guess) gotten a lot better, but now, since it's the the summer and I'm home alone a lot with nothing to distract me, my head is rife with bad thoughts.

I'll connect loose ends and think that they're somehow an omen, that they're predicting a bad event. I'll see an unfamiliar car pull off of my street and think my house is being cased - I'll look in the mirror and be reminded of one of my old hallucinations (wherein I would think a "demon" was in the mirror pretending to be me and my facial features would morph and change, like clay being pulled around) and think that it's happening again.

I can't sleep without my dog, I'll be doing mundane tasks and start shaking with palpable anxiety that I can feel in my chest, and my head is full of visions and memories of the morbid, terrible things I have seen. It's terrible. It's constant.

Posted Jul 21, 2017, 9:48 PM UTC

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