[spoilers for 1 and first part of 2] mass effect 2 made me angry and bitter

So I pretty much shut myself in and played mass effect 1 like a mad man these past few days. Only had a mod for increasing elevator times, because my god was it elevator sim (this is alien elevator 1, alien elevator 2, etc lol). I absolutely loved it. I have a rule about save-scumming; I'm pretty inflexible unless I do something ABSOLUTELY unintentional or too quickly (wanting to go through a conversation and making a choice, etc. XCOM the only game where i save scum every 10 seconds and don't feel bad about it). I did kind of want to take up some of my early flirtation with Ashley, if only because I didn't actually wanna flirt with anyone and thought the whole thing about fraternizing would actually make her distant instead of being a joke. I always thought skipper meant one of those speedy, agile boats with one sail so I thought she was teasing me for being vanguard and charging in all over. Was worried having her and Liara as my squadmates would be awkward but she never went down and Liara's CC is too powerful and perfect for someone like me.

Probably my favorite squad conversation was when I was checking up on everyone after the dig site and recruitment of Ashley when Ashley PUT ME ON BLAST for being into Liara. Mind you, Liara and I had only spoken once/twice without worrying about being stuck in an underground (can't remember if we debriefed with her, but i did check on her in the medical wing). It seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere and I couldn't tell if this was the game saying "hey ashley is feeling jealous" or if I had triggered something inadvertently. Almost loaded out of there but I stuck with it.

ANYWAYS so we save the day blahblahblah Council is happy, Anderson is my guy, I love everybody LETS JUST BLOW IT UP IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF MASS EFFECT 2?!?!

Ok that hurts whatever, TWO FUCKING YEARS??? I swear I wanted to find Shepard a bar to become an alcoholic I don't trust these Cerberus bastards, Miranda is clearly up to no good and I'm convinced they orchestrated the whole attack on my ship. Then they have the balls to boss me around and GIVE ME A REPLICA OF MY FUCKING SHIP??? I swear I wanna go full renegade just to spite them all (was full paragon ME1).

It's not even a good replica, give me back my elevator instead of these loading screens. I don't like these colors, I don't like these outfits, and who the fuck is this VI/AI all up in this ship? Why are journal and codex and item notifications taking up a quarter of the screen, why in gods name is "USE" bound to "SPRINT" bound to "GO INTO COVER"? Why do I go into cover if there's any within a mile of my body?

I don't make friends easily and none of these people were my people. But those 2 years also mean I couldn't just expect everyone I knew to come back running and I would be a fool to try to pursue that. Seeing Tali run around was great but her buddies were D-listers at best. I screamed when I walked into the medical wing tho, I always wanted Doctor Chakwas to have more to say in ME1 and I was so excited to see her. I teared up when we had a toast and I picked "to friends" because I miss those bastards.

I wanted to get rid of these Cerberus fuckers, yet the thought of replacing my squad with mercenaries felt so disgustingly twisted. In ME1 everyone was out to get the bad guy, for one reason or another, but who the fuck do I recruit now when they've all been recommended by Cerberus? Then I found Archangel and that's where I am in the story. I swear to fucking god if he died from that shot...

TLDR: Loved ME1. As for ME2, give me to option and I would put a bullet in Miranda's head, I hate that Cerberus is rubbing the Normandy in my face after (I strongly suspect) they blew it up, I hate the loading screens and somehow miss seeing my squad standing still in elevators with shifty eyes, I find these controls insane (why did they move quicksave from F6 to F5? Why are 3 things mapped to one button? Why are there two incredibly mundane hacking minigames that somehow feel worse than the first? At least the first one you could have fun with, trying to find a way in). I teared up like an idiot over seeing Garrus, and was grinning my head off as he ended up being everything he didn't want in ME1 (wonder how his dad feels about that lol). Citadel feels all different and far too cramped, god am I a sentient zombie? Should have just died. I wanna go renegade on just Miranda and Illusive Man, feel bad about being a jerk to the crew though.