Needing help recovering from some difficult trips

Hey folks.

About a month ago I had a really difficult experience on 200ug. I've come to accept what happened and understand what I've been taught from that particular experience, which was in certain respects quite beautiful. However, I was a bit silly and took more LSD in the weeks following - smaller doses like 25 and 50 - when I hadn't yet come to terms with what happened as I have now, and as a result these small experiences seemed to exacerbate the feelings of depersonalisation, numbing out and disengagement from what's happening. I would get things like dissociative amnesia while microdosing, which isn't at all like any of the other experiences I've had microdosing for the past year - so there's an issue of set there which I need to sort out.

In the past week I've decided to have a break from LSD until the time is right again and I feel I can confidently and easily engage with it as I was doing before. I've taken up mindfulness meditation, and I've compiled a list of music which helps me to feel resilient and positive in the face of what's happened. I also had a really intense crying session last week during my first meditation session which let out lots of built up negativity, made me feel a lot more human and relieved that I could actually experience emotions. Mindfulness meditation seems to work well for the standard ego stuff of negative thought loops, and the music seems to stop me from disengaging. I find that disengagement is much harder to notice than standard thought loops, and the longer I'm disengaged the less time I'm spending being myself and being happy.

I'm aware that I'm beginning to recover and that I've been in a bit of a negative cycle about what happened. One thing I'm aware of is that MDMA can be very effective for PTSD. I'm not jumping to conclusions and saying I have the condition, more that I'm aware that I'm having a stressful reaction to what happened, and I'm wondering what MDMA might offer in these circumstances at a therapeutic dose in a cool, safe environment. I haven't taken MDMA before, however, and as such this would be after I've taken more time to calm down.

I guess I'm just looking for some opinions on how I'm proceeding with integrating the experiences, and to just hear how this all looks from the standpoint of an outside observer. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.