Baby is here - but may be my last. Not sure how to process it.

First up, for anyone yet to deliver this is very rare and don't be alarmed. I knew I was having a big baby and I don't have a big frame, just wasn't prepared for all the possible consequences.

Due to a really bad labour experience with #1, this time I had a planned induction and epidural from the start. It was amazing, I could feel pressure through the contractions but virtually no pain. I laboured away for 6 hours, made great process, fully dilated but bub still hadn't completely descended. No problem, if it's not your first time bubs can often only engage and descend in active labour. But, this wasn't happening. I was getting sharp pains in one section of my pelvis too which seemed weird, had another bolus of epidural and that alleviated it somewhat. My OB had me give one big push to see if we could get him down but he wasn't going anywhere, so she recommended getting straight in for an emergency section. Again, no problem, I was half expecting this due to his size. Luckily as I already had an epidural in, it was pretty quick to get that topped up with extra drugs and get me on the table.

When she opened me up, I knew there was something wrong even from behind the curtain. They got bub out quick smart, but then there was a LOT of discussion and action going on between the surgical team. Long story short, despite being only 38+2 my bub had a 40cm head circumference which was never going to fit through a 10cm cervix, and as I'd been having strong contractions without him engaging/descending, it had put huge pressure on my uterine wall. My OB told me later I was extremely close to a uterine rupture which would have necessitated a hysterectomy right then and there, plus had major repercussions on basically all my vital organs in my lower abdomen. The constant pressure also bruised my bladder pretty bad but luckily that seems to be functioning ok now.

I've had a couple of days to process it, but am still in a bit of shock. There are positives of course - somehow I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy who is doing great. I already have a 3 year old who is also very healthy. But we'd always planned on having 3, and my OB has said I can be assessed in a few years but to be aware it'll probably be too dangerous - my uterus wouldn't stand up to much and certainly no contractions. Now that the danger has passed, just thinking about the word "hysterectomy" and how close I came to that as a healthy 32 year old with an unremarkable pregnancy (apart from giant baby size) freaks me out.

Getting it down in writing helps me make sense of it and come to terms with it all. I'm just so relieved that my son was delivered safely - the rest we can deal with down the track. Thank you all for creating such a supportive community here too, we live overseas from both our families so you have often been my go-to people for gripes and questions over the last few months.