Thoughts I want to say, but not to people I know

almost two years ago, I placed a child for adoption. I was in the midst of abandonment and trauma, and I did not believe I could do it on my own. I still believe that. I struggle with the choice, and I mourn it all the time, especially because I deeply want children - just not on my own - and I am quickly approaching thirty and am unmarried.

I'm not a birth mom.

I'm not a mom.

Please don't call me a birth mom. It compounds the pain. Please don't say "gave up for adoption." I did not give up. Please don't ask pregnant women "is this your first?", or otherwise pry. You don't know what they're dealing with, and what they can handle just then.

My students call me mom sometimes. I'm ok with that. They're my kids, no question But otherwise...I'm the person who made it possible for someone else to be a mom, and that is all.