Need some clarity on the situation

Some background: I'm a previous victim of domestic violence and abuse from the father of my children. We were together for 4 years and married/had kids at a young age (I was 17, he was 19). I ignored signs because I had never been in a serious relationship before or had been educated about dating violence/abuse. I literally didn't know what the signs were or what wasn't normal.

I was abused in that relationship at first by boundaries being broken, then control over finances, eventually control over everything and the inevitable emotional abuse. Eventually while I was pregnant it became physical and sexual.

It took years but I left that relationship and slowly recovered. After a year I felt I was at a point that I had a lot more clarity on what a normal relationship is, boundaries not to be crossed, ect.

I met my fiance at that point, and we have been together 2 years. I've had trouble with dissociation since childhood because I was abused in my childhood. Along with this comes a very spotty memory, obviously trouble recalling conversations, misplacing very important things, ect. Depression also comes into the mix and I have low energy, a hard time keeping up the house when very stressed.

However this became really terrible while in my relationship with my fiance. Eventually, after 2 years with him, I realized that I felt like I was walking on egg shells and that phrase stuck with me. I never felt like that with anyone except my ex-husband. I looked back at the behavior and realized that my fiance is also emotionally and verbally abusive.

There were the constant criticisms, verbal berating, name-calling (this was what actually caught me off guard the most, being called an idiot, retard, cunt, ect. as it was so blatantly not true and just plain mean). Once I became aware of the situation I also caught attempts at gaslighting where conversations would go in circles no matter how hard I tried to keep it on-topic, with a lot of diversions.

In this mix, he has struggled with alcohol. This is where I'm caught off guard. My ex-husband used anything as an excuse for his abusive behavior and never, ever changed. To this day, he still seems to be on the same destructive path. My fiance however genuinely had an addiction to alcohol to the point of having physical withdrawals, but once I confronted him with his behavior and how it was abusive he quit drinking.

He's now been sober for weeks (I know, not making up for the year, possibly year and half of abuse) and is genuinely seeming to be a nice, normal person. He also feels terrible for his treatment of me and has been successfully managing his anger.

Some more background, there were moments of intimidation such as punching holes in walls, throwing objects. When he'd fall asleep because of how much he drank and I'd try to wake him, he would get really angry at me for waking him and pretty much be verbally aggressive, name-calling, ect.

He started calling me crazy because of how erratic my emotions were. Crying, being upset at the situation, or even angry because of how I felt it was unjustified. I had times where I would be crying for hours because of how hurt he made me, and he said he "felt bad" but then he would "remind himself of why he was angry" and it justified it.

All of this sounds like classic emotional and verbal abuse to me. Add onto this that because of how possibly in denial? and blind I was to the situation until about a month ago, we were planning on moving out of state. We had arrangements made to move by the end of August, and it would have potentially been a great thing for myself and the kid. We would move into a nice house, it would be a great change of scenery with better education since my child is special needs.

And now he has quit drinking alcohol, the abusive behavior has noticeably gone away to the point that he will walk away if he begins to get angry or we will revisit a topic if it may start an argument. We are communicating more. I'm standing up for myself.

I'm used to people not changing. My ex-husband promised time and time again that he would never treat me X way again, and that if I just gave him Y amount of time. Pretty much anything under the sun. He never actually followed through and quit drinking, or actually stuck to changing his behavior.

I'm caught off guard and I don't know what to do. I feel disconnected from him and less "in-love" because of the realization of how terrible he was treating me, but also see that he actually genuinely seems to be acting "normal" as in supportive, "healthy" for me, having more predictable reactions and asking to make sure that he isn't being too aggressive or clarifying a problem without trying to put me down.

So I now have an end-of-August deadline on whether or not I'm moving to a different state with him, but don't really feel in love anymore, and on top of it he is acting "normal". My kids are also very excited about the move and would be moving into their own rooms, from an apartment to a nice house, ect. so this is really devastating to feel unsure about the move. However everyone I talk to advises against moving so quickly, which I also understand.

I'm trying to be logical but it's very hard at the same time when kids come into the mix, when what should have been such a positive step forward in life can now be considered an attempt at isolation. I don't feel that is his intentions (since the move would put me nowhere near friends or family) but at the same time I never thought I would be gaslighted or verbally abused.

I'm wondering if anyone has input, their own experiences that might be similar, ect. I have never encountered an abuser that actually "cleans up" so quickly, which makes me feel it is almost superficial. But of course I want to believe it is genuine. Quitting alcohol has seemingly put a lot of things into perspective for him and it has helped a lot.

Another thing is that it is sort of an ultimatum situation. Either I move in August with him or he will not wait and move back home without me. He hates this state and wants to go back to his home state. So I don't know if that plays into all this, it is definitely emotionally distressing and making things very complicated in my mind.

Sorry for such a jumbled mess of a post.

Edit: I realize I never expanded on the dissociation or depression. Because of my dissociation, while he was being abusive he would often say things like, "You're just remembering wrong. (gaslighting/rewriting history)" "You have bad memory. That never happened." ect. Eventually it was expanded to, "You're nuts/crazy." when I would break down crying. I realized that my dissociation nearly stopped once I gained clarity over the situation. I've come to realize that the verbal and emotional abuse was triggering my dissociation, causing the terrible memory/recalling of events.

I still catch him (just happened the other night) saying that something didn't happen, that I am remembering wrong, and that I shouldn't blame him for my issues (my bad memory). However I corrected him by logically recalling the sequence of events and telling him he is putting his own forgetfulness on me and that it was wrong to do so. I stood up for myself and he apologized, correcting himself. I just wanted to expand on that since I realized I never mentioned why I mentioned dissociation. I've also been having really bad anxiety/panic attacks lately that make me just entirely depressed as well.