Feverish. Thinking of Ingrid

Feeling Feverish. Fifth time in the past half hour I measured my temperature, hoping every time it would go higher. 37.1 degrees. I don’t have a real fever but my head is spinning and I don't have any energy in my limbs. It can’t be the flu, it’s the middle of the summer. It could be Lyme’s disease. A tick must have bitten me . I haven’t gone outside except for that one brief walk in the mountains last week. I find it funny that I could get it from that 15 minute of outdoor activity. I take off all my clothes and look for a bull’s eye shaped tick bite mark on skin. I don't find it. It must be something else. I am drained from moving around. I lie down in the spot on the floor hit by the sunlight. I hope my neighbours don’t see me naked through the window. They’ll think I'm a bigger creep than before. I close my eye and see Ingrid again. I haven’t thought about her in almost a month, but here she comes back.

I met her in spring while waiting at a restaurant for my food to arrive.  She was sitting across from me at the nearest table, next to the window waiting for hers. It was a sunny afternoon like today. She was doodling in her notebook. I never did something like this but I asked her what she was drawing. She showed me, I went and took a look and asked her about it. My food arrived and I excused myself. She said that I could join her if I wanted. We chatted , laughed and ate together until it was dark. She told me goodbye and left. That was it.

Three months have passed and I still cannot think of another woman. Maybe i remember her because it was the only time in my life where I showed courage.

I feel like my floor is rocking back and forth. I measure my temperature again. 37.2. I don’t know if I want to go to the doctor. I also don't know if I want to see her again or not. If one meeting made her stay in my head for 3 months , what would meeting her again do to me? If this is having a deep crush, then it's a really crappy feeling.

I hope she will be gone tomorrow morning.