Day 2 since my last relapse, just need to share for some more support.

Hey, in January of this year I came clean to my parents about my 3 year snorted heroin addiction (A few years of fucking with pills before that). I was an everyday user for about 3 years, then a year of taking suboxone but still using dope every other week or so. Finally in january of this year I decided that I needed to be off the subs and done with dope for good because I'm (thankfully) still young, healthy, never been arrested, have an amazing college degree from a great school (although I've just been working minimum wage manual labor jobs since I graduated in 2013), and most importantly I still have great relationships with my friends and family that I feel starting to slip away. I know that I haven't hit a brutal rock bottom like some people claim is necessary, but I've thought so much about it and I know that if I keep using there's no direction but down further. I really want to get my life back healthy and on track before I start permanently giving up the great things in my life.

Anyway, I've been improving (relapsing for 2 or 4 day binges approximately every 1 or 2 weeks. I'm not sure how I should be looking at this, should I be proud of myself for doing so well (using maybe 5-8 days a month instead of every single day like I did for years), or is that just my addicted brain trying to justify my current usage? My life has improved a lot in the last 6 months, but I know the problem is still there.

I was going to AA meetings for a few months, but (even though I was able to be honest with my parents) I still am not able to get over that invisible hurdle and share honestly with strangers at meetings. Its even worse with the AA members that I've gotten friendly with because I don't want to disappoint them. I havent been going nearly as much the last couple months (maybe once a week)

I really do feel like I'm slowly "getting it" and moving towards being totally done for good, but I've also said "that was the last time" each of the last 50 times I've "quit".

I'm not really looking for real answers here as I know there's no one correct/definite way to get and stay sober. I'm mostly posting here to hopefully give myself a little more accountability if I get the urge to relapse again. It's great to be on day 2 and only have mild withdrawal symptoms, but I know how easily I could slip into a month long binge and then be back fully physically addicted again. Thanks a lot! I'll try and post updates every week or so and hopefully my sobriety date will remain 7/20/17! Thanks everyone