Nihilism & Relationships/Friendships

Hi all,

First post so here goes.

I often think that while my acceptance of Nihilism on the whole works for me (it has helped me with anxiety issues for instance) but I can't help but think its having a negative effect on my relationships with family and friends, basically societal relationships.

I should probably start by saying that I would describe myself as quite solitary, I'm not really a people person (albeit I am quite good at talking to people, even if it is a bit of a facade) and I enjoy having time to myself. It's also worth mentioning that the journey which lead me to Nihilism started when I was around 15 and had to be treated medically for depression, I thankfully perked up a bit after the medication (so much so that I am still on them). That said the thoughts at the time have stayed with me, prompting me to take an interest in philosophy. I was initially interested in Existentialism but I am not a positive enough person for that to stick so that ultimately led me to Nihilism.

So on the face of it, you wouldn't think I should be worried but I can't shake the feeling that I should try to be more sociable.

I often wonder if I use Nihilism as my excuse for not wanting to interact more with others. I turned 30 early this year, my social circle has shrunken considerably, the only person I really talk to is my girlfriend who I think is getting a bit sick of my withdrawn attitude towards life generally.

When I sit around with people with family/friends, I can't help thinking about how much sleep I would lose if any of them dropped dead. The answer is usually nil, I feel like I have lost my connection with society and also the person my friends/family liked with my eagerness to embrace Nihilism.

I don't feel very Übermensch at this point.

Don't really know why i'm even posting this to be honest. Nice to get it out, if only to internet strangers.