I absolutely hate how my thinking and brain change throughout the day

Does this happen to anyone else? Mood changes, i guess is what im experiencing. But its crazy how one time im listening to orchestral music and i feel just so one with the universe, like ive got it all down, im so calm and im not afraid of anything even death itself. And then two hours later im a completely different person,my personality and thought process completely changes. i might be energetic, depressed, happy, or sad. I know mood changes are normal but whats not normal is how different of a person i become. I could start hating a close friend of mine just because im in a different mood. I could become evil intentioned or good intentioned based on what state im in. The difference is night and day. And on the iutside i might seem completely normal because i hide it very well. But i know what goes on inside my mind.

Ive tried for YEARS to control myself. To control my brain. I took antidepressants i meditated i tried many things. But tbh i dont know if what im having is depression or what anymore. I dont mind being sad or happy as long as i can keep my original thoughts in place. As long as i have the same motives irrelative to what mood im in.

Gah anyways i just thot id share and hear your thoughts