Didn't want a bridal shower, agreed to it but now my sister wants me to pick only 5 of my friends to invite. How do I make this work or say, "Nevermind" without hurting her feelings.

I know the easiest way is to just say "Nevermind, I don't want one." I just don't want to hurt my sister's feelings.

Backstory: Destination wedding, we invited 85 people, 55 are coming. More than half identify as female (about 30 going/45 invited) my sister wants me to pick 5-10 female friends from the list of people going or invited to be sent invitations to the bridal shower. It's a small-ish destination wedding (I think it's huge, but I know that 50ish people is considered small on weddit.)

I feel like she just wants to invite "her friends" and our family. And I'm afraid that she's using most of the location capacity to invite mutual friends and family that weren't invited to the destination wedding because "You're having a home reception and they'll be invited." Yeah, maybe, when we can find the money for it, probably next year. But I'd rather have people we invited to our wedding than watch old childhood friends getting drunk and playing inappropriate sex-related bridal shower games while I sit in the corner and have an anxiety attack.

Is it rude to invite everyone to the shower (30-45)? Is it rude to not invite everyone that's going to the wedding? My biggest fear is that I invite 5 and none of them can come and then it's just the people she wanted to have a party and drink with. And how do I choose 5-10 without others feeling bad? Out of the 30 that are coming or 45 that were invited?

**Edit:/**If it wasn't a destination wedding I could see just inviting close friends, but the people we invited to our wedding are our close friends and their partners. Obviously, I don't have to invite the partners to the shower. /

I don't want gifts, I don't want to open presents, it feels like a gift grab and people are already paying $1000s to go to our wedding.

Also our wedding is in just over a month and the bridal shower would be 2 weeks before the wedding.

The reason I'm trying to make this work is because my parental unit would be so happy to have something to do for the wedding and it will be at their place. Otherwise I'd just tell sister, "Sorry too much stress to make this work. Thank you for trying though."

What's the etiquette here? Help:( Region: PNW