Four years later, it doesn't matter that I'm usually happy, that life is good, that...any of it at the moment. It's her birthday, and I miss her so much.

It's a wave, and like all the waves before it will pass to return again later--never, never leaving entirely, just giving respite for minutes, days, or months.

I married again. Kids are doing well. Job is better than good. At times I wonder how I can be so happy. But I will always miss her. And at these times--birthdays, Christmas, and when strong memories come--tears flow freely and I want her by my side and in my arms.