Afraid of meditation.

It's not my wish to tire any reader with my own life story, however if anyone is so patient enough as to fill in whatever blind spots I have in regards to meditation (after sharing my associations with meditation through recent events) I would be very grateful.

Basically, my biggest fear right now is mental illness. My mother was bakeracted after I graduated high school 2 or 3 years ago for two weeks. She's showed hints of mental illness shortly before that and hasn't been the same since. At the same time I've experienced my first panic attacks while high on weed and later off weed. I didn't know much of mental illness or panic attacks and was absolutely scared for a long time that I may have what she has.

Fast forward a few years and I've gotten more educated about mental illness and anxiety, my own anxiety doesn't debilitate me for work, socializing or enjoying life and after a conversation with my grandma I've learned that mental illness does not plague my family.

However any conversation or mention of things such as schizophrenia or psychosis still unnerves me, and I'm still in the dark about what those conditions actually are because fear keeps me from objectively understanding them. I'm typically a very understanding and empathic person, what other people feel mirrors my own emotions so it's not difficult to place myself in other people's shoes. But when I had to place myself in my mothers shoes during one of her episodes I think a part of me became traumatized not unlike a child may be traumatized by learning that other suffer or that we all die. The fact that people suffer these conditions is still an unreconcialed part of understanding of the world, I simply don't understand yet how this type of suffering can exist.

Anyway, this brings me to meditation. If you type in psychosis in the search bar you can find instances of that condition occurring amongst meditators, as well as other conditions such as derealization. In mystical/contemplation traditions you have warnings as to the possibilities of falling off the spiritual ladder and being tormented, like the abyss in Kabbalah. You have stories of Tibetan masters undergoing the dark night before the dawn (enlightenment). It just seems that the whole path to defragmentating our consciousness isn't entirely a safe or harmless one. I'm listening to The Mind Illuminated on audible and it mentions anamolous occurrences in the higher stages of meditation such as involuntary movement of the body and sometimes unpleasant sensations.

Inner space is our final frontier, its still largely unknown and I've filled in the unknown with the negative things about the brain I've had to witness, I know that. Superstition is the enemy. It's still hard. Has anyone else had to overcome a similar hangup?