Why can't there be an action MMO that isn't P2W?

The big action MMOs that I keep hearing about are Tera, Blade and Soul, and Black Desert Online. I also hear about how pay to win they are and a bunch of salt about these games all over the place. I played Tera extensively and was a lot of fun leveling in it, but every time I get to end game it just isn't fun. BnS I just got to 25, ran my first dungeon and found out there is no rolling for loot. Its a bidding war so whoever has the most money the want to put down on that item will get it. BDO I have the least experience with. I played a 7 day free trial and seemed like a phone game a little bit, but that was about a year ago and I admit I really didn't get the lifeskills thing but it seemed interesting to me, I just kept getting to a point where I couldn't do anything anymore that day.

Should I give BDO another shot? Have I missed the mark on it a little bit? I just want an action MMO that doesn't have tits flying all over the place (I'm a dad and would like to play the game while my son is up, and maybe with him one day) and that you can just pay to play once and not worry about some one who decided to put $1,000 into the game just dominating you for whatever reason.