i am proper into this. i could give feedback here and there, but i think all the curious choices youve made as the writer is what is good about it. 

Thanks for the feedback! Were you hinting I should use the word yelling instead? We don't really use that word in the uk o;

The initial stanza whips back and forth pretty quickly, ultimately landing on a feeling of blood and bone.  It slides pretty well. Props.

I'm not crazy about the start of the second stanza - seems like you could have inferred a bit? Maybe something like "Ten thousand gurgle and babble".

Got kinda pulled out there.

"infinite fortissimo" is interesting, I have a piece that uses something similar.

Anyway, I hope the fish are YELLING the truth. ;)

It's shows a lot symbolism to just how bad pollution in the ocean is, sure people know that there countless oil spills, trash and hazardous waste in the ocean, but they don't ever stop to picture just how it looks in their head. I also enjoy the morbid tone of the last line "dying is fun"

Thank you! I'm glad it came across that way. I think making horrible things sound beautiful makes them question it more.

Wow, I really like this poem. The language you used makes something that I would normally find disgusting or gruesome oddly beautiful.

Thank you very much! Really the last line is supposed to make the audience question... why are there thousands of fish screaming dying is fun?

It's very thought-provoking, although the link between the title/last line and the subject matter is a little hard to discern. Yet I feel like it's worth exploring this significance further; to really get the point of the piece across. "DYING IS FUN, and/but/therefore---?"

If it was meant to unnerve readers then it's a good piece and does it pretty well. I like the imagery chosen, which is appropriately terrifying and builds empathy with the fish and coral mentioned. The auditory imagery is also very telling (someone mentioned the 'infinite fortissimo').

The other major strength imo is the use of terms e.g. rainbow with normally positive connotations and juxtaposing it against the reality of a spill.

Overall, I like it because it's very intriguing and I really want to pry your head open and extract all the secrets in there. Like opening an oyster. In a good way.



Oil envelops ten thousand silver fish.  
Steeped in rainbows  
this thick slick   
dark as squid ink  
gluts from the scaffold  
spurting like a jugular.  


The school of fish gurgle and babble  
over a droning orchestra of coral  
opening and closing their mouths  
wailing in choral unison  
infinite fortissimo  


DYING IS FUN


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https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6qjoml/confession/?st=1Z141Z3&amp;sh=21675cc3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/6ru5dh/the_mountain_that_took_the_place_of_the_mountain/?st=1Z141Z3&amp;sh=21675cc3