I know you're sitting there in your chair shrouded by the allure of mystery. Allow me to ease your mind...

What is this car you speak of?!

I've got a series of questions that are sure to complete your hunt for Rocket League glory:

Q1. What is the most popular color for "sports cars?"

• Red. Why? It's simple... Red paint has been scientifically proven to make your car go 16.5% faster. (Be careful, you don't want speeding tickets)

Q2. What do you typically drive a car on?

• The road. This isn't a fucking trick question. Idk why you even thought of something else. We drive on the road because rubber grips it well. Duh.

Q3. What is the single greatest food known to mankind?

• Bacon. Don't give me any of that fucking vegan shit. Give me bacon or give me death. Don't you even think about making it crispy. BACON ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE CRISPY.

Q4. What animal does bacon come from?

• No, it isn't turkey. What the fuck are you thinking? It's obviously a pig.

Q5. What is another name for a pig?

• No, it's not your mother. It's a hog. Do I seriously have to keep telling you this shit?

---

Now that you've finally figured it out, come buy your very own...

CRIMSON ROAD HOG

Guaranteed to trigger 7/10 opponents and teammates, because they're toxic and will assume you're terrible.

Edit: Bacon.