Anyone else unable to truly accept/believe why we are hear or where we are going?

Most people I know have one belief or another. Jesus, Allah, mother ayahuasca etc.... Even those who are atheists at least believe they know that it all means nothing in the end.

In a way, I want to have something I truly believe, it's fucking scary not having the slightest clue if life means anything and what happens when we die.

I feel it's one or the other, we are either part of some grand scheme or it's all just randomness that eventually fades away and never meant anything, although I definitely lean more towards we are here for a reason or from a "higher power."

Just curious if anyone else feels this way?