Not sure if my wife has severe social anxiety or anger issues?

Hello all,

I apologize in advance for the wall of text. Recently, my wife has started acting a little irrational. I always knew she was shy and introverted but it has never gone to this extent before.

A little background: She claims she doesn't like people, yet she loves traveling and meeting people from different cultures. However, she has no good friends except mutual ones I introduced to her. The main issue as far as I can discern is that she has been in severely abusive relationships before (guilt sex, manipulation, blackmail sex, physical coercion etc.) The most recent issue that has me worried is as follows:

We currently have a roommate who is a good friend of mine and I have known longer than I've known her. He pays his fair share of rent, and doesn't cause any issues. However, for his birthday, he wanted to have a friend over for 4-5 days. I told my wife as much and she wasn't happy about it. It originally started with things like "great, now I won't have my privacy and there will be this person lounging in the common area."

"Okay, now I can't cook anymore because I don't like people watching me when I cook and he's probably going to stare at me the whole time." (she almost never cooks, although she keeps telling herself she will. I have no problems with her not cooking as I enjoy making food.)

For her, this is still pretty mild. However, as the days went by she got progressively worse. Yesterday, before the friend arrived, she was talking about it again and feeling upset. I tried to sympathize with her but it got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore, so I tried to reason with her. I said that it's going to be okay and that it's only for a few days. By then it had devolved into

"Why can't you be on my side?!"

"Is it so unreasonable for me to ask for peace and quiet where I pay rent? Can't I feel comfortable at my own place?!"

"This is really unfair, he [my friend] does whatever he wants and expects me to host his stupid friends".

Mind you, she hasn't really had any problems with him before (except a few times when the kitchen was a little dirty). She considered him a good friend. She also refuses to confront him about it or have any communication with him regarding this because it'll make her stress out.

Today the guest and my roommate's girlfriend (another good and mutual friend) arrived. I left for work while she slept in (she works weekends). When I came home from lunch, she just went crazy (in private with me). She was hissing about the fact that the AC was on low last night (we're not rich, but we're not strapped for money either), started cursing out our roommate and called his friend (who she still hadn't met) and his girlfriend a**holes. After trying to calm her down for a bit, I went to the living room to get some food and my roommate's girlfriend was showing me the birthday present she got him. My wife started texting me to stop talking to her and when I went into the bedroom she said that she couldn't believe I was talking to her. At this point, she was fuming and taking a lot of her anger out on me. She was blaming me for not taking her side. I realized that whatever this was, it wasn't healthy and it definitely wasn't normal behavior. Not once since this morning has she left our bedroom except to go to some appointments (and even then, she used the back door to avoid anyone.) Even now while I'm at work, she's texting me about how she can't focus because she can hear them outside and how unfair it is to her because she pays rent yet can't be left alone to her peace and quiet.

I really don't know what to do at this point. She has been offhand and short with me for before spending any time with any of my friends (going out after work for a bit, or even hanging out with my roommate when she's in the house) but never to this extent. She's already seeing a counselor (for a couple of weeks now) regarding general anxiety and has been prescribed medication that she's been taking for a few days (less than a week). It hurts so much to see her like this but I feel like I can't do anything about it. If I try to be supportive, she gets encouraged and gets even worse. If I try to be honest and say that I think she may need help about it, she becomes sarcastic and tells me I'm judging her and calling her mentally disabled. I try to ignore it a little bit and she gets even more angry at me. I love her to death but this recent issue has me worried to death instead. If anyone here has had any experience with something like this, please please let me know if you have any advice. Thank you!