My MIL and the tale of the inexplicable pigeons

Hey there JustNoMIL! I haven't shared any stories of my MIL yet, and I've enjoyed so many of yours I figure it's time to start paying it back.

So to set the backstory, my DW (then girlfriend) had been together probably a year and a half at most at this point. We started dating when we were 18 and 17, and become inseparable almost instantly. We were not living together and had both basically just started college. DW was and still is completely enamoured with birds. When we met she had 4 cockatiels. She would later infect me with this same love.

So, essentially, we're crazy bird people. This is relevant.

My MIL, to me, is the worst person. I could write a novel full of the sharpest words I know, but let's leave it at she's the worst. Not as bad as some that have been told of here, but I digress.

So like all MILs, Facebook is life. She's a narcissist and I have reasoned before that the only, singular thing that matters to this woman is her image. She has a bad habit of being passive aggressive and moody, and this is exacerbated and enabled by Facebook. Her classic M.O. is to post thinly veiled bullshit on Facebook at my wife whenever she's mad at her for something. Standard JustNoMIL faire.

So in comes me. At my worst I am sarcastic, petty, evasive and sharp. These aren't traits I might brag about, but that's me. Additionally, I am a dude. Soon, I begin to notice the pattern. DW is upset because MIL is twatting around again. Facebook is the drug of choice.

So I make a perfectly logical decision. Every time she pisses me off, I post a picture of a pigeon to my status. I don't tag anyone. I don't include text. I type pigeon into Google, and choose the first picture I haven't used yet. I chose pigeons because it's the first word that popped into my head when this was but a nascent thought. Most of them go completely unnoticed.

But not to MIL. I would later find out it took exactly two, TWO times before it got to her.

Act like a bitch to my wife; pigeon. Passive aggressive Facebook shenanigans; pigeon. Wednesday? Pigeon. It apparently drove her nuts. It was sweet, sweet catharsis to me. Every pigeon felt like a shot of dopamine. I could feel her squirm every time I hit post.

Then, one fateful day, my parents get curious and ask me what's up with the pigeons. So I let them in on it. My mother gives me that why-you-gotta-start-shit face, my dad thinks it's hilarious. When we get home that night, I see that my father has posted a picture of a pigeon.

I've heard the fallout included drunken screaming about pigeons and at least one broken glass. I think her interpretation was that pigeons shit on people, and therefore I was metaphorically shitting on her. That that was the message I was sending. Only a JustNoMIL could possibly make that leap.

And that's the pigeon incident. It would continue to this day if I hadn't blocked her all together a while ago. Maybe one day I'll get into all the stuff that makes her deserve the pigeon.

Edit: Woah there, gold?! Thank you so much for first Reddit gold! I feel so at home here; you all understand so much without it having to even be said. T_T