I've lost my best and oldest friend.

He's not dead. But I've finally realized after a few years of a one sided relationship that he doesn't care about me anymore. We had been best friends for nearly 15 years. We grew up together and we talked about shit we didn't talk about with anyone else. Though we had our fights over the years we were always quick to make up and be great friends again.

I never really managed to make new friends after you moved away. I had bad social anxiety and instead isolated myself. We still managed to remain friends despite the distance thanks to our online gaming hobby. The online group of friends I played with were always your friends first. Though I did became good friends withone of the groups.

You were always better at video games than me. I'm not a bad player in most games. I'm usually average to well above average unless it's a genre of games I don't play. But you were always in the top 1-2% of players in every game you played. This caused problems when I couldn't play at your level in games and you would get frustrated with me.

Recently, after a year of barely talking, I suggested you get a specific game to play with me but you refused, claiming you weren't interested in the game. 3 weeks later I see you've bought the game. Excited I ask if you wanted to play. You tell me your party is already full but you'll invite me when someone leaves. This happens 5 times when I see you launch the game. I never get invited once.

The year prior to this we only really spoke once. When I began playing an old game you still play daily. We caught up and it was like old times again. So much had happened since we last spoke. It felt good to have my best friend back. I was unable to keep playing that game due to time constraints and due to the frustrations of me not being a good enough player for him but I thought that at least we were in contact again and we'd keep talking. Every time I've tried to contact you since though it's either been met with silence, short sometimes one word replies or with can't talk I'm busy.

I'm in my mid 20s now, I should have friends but the only ones I have are online. You were the last real life friend I had.

I went and stayed with a mutual internet friend for a few days while traveling around the country and it was depressing to have to be updated about what's going on in my best friends life by him.

I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize that we aren't actually friends anymore. I wish I knew why though. Was it that you dont care about me anymore? Did I do something wrong?