I feel like I don't belong here

If I wasn't such control freak, would I still be breathing the oxygen from this earth?

I've given my everything to those i've held close, literally anything I could but I don't have the love I expected back. All I want is to live back in the time where there was love all throughout my family. The memories frantically flood my mind until I'm overwhelmed and sad that I can't do anything to get those memories back. Life is dark and dreary compared to those memories, and it's only to get worse.