I think I might have rewired my instincts.

I don't like attractive people anymore. They bring my brain discomfort and unease. I distrust an attractive person as soon as I see them. Everything they say is irrelevent to me. Pretty people are disgusting and flawed. They are incorrect.

I feel like I feel the opposite of what most people feel now. We are wired to like attractive people more and to trust them because their appearance gives us a dopamine rush.

For me it is the opposite, I only feel comfortable and at peace when I see someone else like me. Someone who's ugly or strange. These people are the only ones I trust and relate to.

BlackOps2cel has become a reverse celebrity to me. I look up to him and want to know more about him just from his appearance alone. You might think I am shallow for feeling this way but it's no different than a retarded femoroid 13 year old who goes crazy over Alex from Target over nothing but his appearance.

I think about him all the time. I wonder what he is like. I wish I could meet him somehow and become his friend. I have a picture of him in my phone and I like looking at it whenever I'm feeling really down and unwanted.

I honestly think he's beautiful. I don't know how to explain it but he just looks so sweet and perfect to me. I love him so much.