My son has been living with my nParents since Christmas and I want him back but I'm not sure I'm capable of raising him on my own at this point.

Back around Christmas I had a mental break and was on the verge of killing myself due to stress and depression.

I was renting a house from my mom and step father, (who are both N' s but in different ways) with my older step brother (who had molested me when I was 7 or 8.) This mental break had been a long time coming, but what really made it worse was that his two children (who he let run rampant as he slept all day and didn't help clean) were at the house all of the time. My step father (who constantly gave me panic attacks just by hearing his voice) would be over at least once a week to "fix" something. And in general there was no peace and quiet at all. It was utter chaos.

When this happened and I told my mother how bad my depression was, she offered to take my son (who is now 2.5 years old) for a week or so until I got everything sorted out and could de-stress.

I suffered from post-partum depression after I had my son and was living in my mom's basement with him. I was put on medication but once I moved out and in with my boyfriend at the time I didn't need it anymore. So I believe my depression was more situational than anything.

I moved out of my mom and stepfather's rental in June and I've slowly been getting better. But my son has been living with them since Christmas now and going back and forth between them and my maternal grandmother (who is also a narc), and stays with me on the weekends.

I still pay for everything for my son from a food allowance, to diapers, daycare, speech therapy, and I even pay my younger half sisters $300 a month for watching him when my mom is working nights.

I'm constantly berated by them all (the 18 year old half sister, mom, grandmother) and I am told I'm not a good mother and I need to get my shit together. But every time I'm told this it feels like my progress takes 10 steps backwards and I feel like I'm never going to be okay enough to be able to handle my son on my own again.

I feel like I'm just being used for my money and I'm starting to get the feeling that, based on how much my son is getting passed back and forth between them, that he isn't truly wanted there anymore. The only one that truly seems to care about him is my youngest sister who is 15 and is always with him and is an angel, especially considering how she grew up.

I'm just looking for some advice, words of encouragement, or thoughts on when and how I should go about having my son live with me again. I already have a bedroom and his toys at my new place. I just don't want to rush it and I want to be able to do everything on my own without any of them to "help" or put in their two cents. But at this point I'm still afraid it'll be too much stress for me and I'm going to have to ask for help with him.

Tl;dr My son has been living with my nParents since Christmas and I want to get him back but I'm worried I'm going to rely on them for help again or fall back into depression due to stress.