Hey mom, I just wanted to chat.

It's been some shit mom. It's like every time we move forward, life smacks us back down.

I got denied mom. My disability was denied. The judge put in the letter that she didn't think my disability was what I said it was because it didn't match the DSM. Well lady, I've got a major psychosis and the doctor YOU sent me to confirmed it. But no, no medical help for me.

We are trying to get a house. We can afford it and the mortgage/insurance/taxes would be cheaper then the shithole we are currently living in. We could have a yard for the kids to play. But, it's so hard. Waiting is killing my anxiety and OCD. I was manic for a month mom. Thought I would be institutionalized.

Hubs has been working late. He's had to for this project. He's such a good husband even though he aggravates me sometimes. He provides for us and helps me get enough sleep so I can be in the best shape for the kids. But mom, it's so hard when he works late. And anytime I ask him for help, I feel like he's thinking it might be best to put them in Daycare. But I don't want that. I love our kids and I want them here with me. It's just some days are hard. I want a sitter to come once a week and sit with us but, haven't found the right person for it.

Your grandson's medical issues are getting better. He's going to be 8 months this month and he's doing so good. The surgery site is all healed and he's only got one more helmet left but, it's so expensive. Traveling two hours for his appointments, childcare, the time. It's so costly. And he screams some days mom. He won't stop screaming some days. I do everything I can but, I can't comfort him. His sister can't reach him either. They think it's colic or maybe trauma from the surgery. Just wait and see they say.

Mom, I need my meds. And I can't get them. I don't know what to do except keep going on. And some days, it's so hard to get into the bed at night and some mornings, I don't know how I drag myself out. It's loud and too bright and the world is terrible but all I do is keep on. I don't know what else to do.

I wish I could tell you this. I wish you could help. I wish you were proud of what I'm doing and what I've done.

If wishes were fishes right?