[Rant/Vent] Lying feels intoxicatingly good.

I'm working on a lot of FLEAS, and this one currently is the biggest road block, and I just need a place to vent out what I'm hearing in my head so hopefully it will go away once I realize and see how bad it is.

My internal voice

"Lying is so good. It actually turns me on. It's so powerful, to be able to create your own story and world and then convince someone of it. Look how STUPID other people are. They are believing everything I'm saying. Hahaha they should get down and kiss my feet, I am the god of lies! It was so easy to get that job, to have women sleep with me, to make friends who are weak and easy to manipulate. I am in CONTROL of everything. The world is MINE!! Hahaha hahaha. Fucking losers every where, I don't understand why I'm not like president or governor or something, I am the greatest person alive and deserve to rule over at least 10,000 people. Ok enough talk I'm gonna go out now and lie to everyone I see to try and get some free stuff, feed my ego and maybe sleep with a girl and lie about how much I like her until she leaves and I never call her again."

My new rational voice "HOLY SHIT!!! Dude we need to stop this way of thinking NOW. Do you realize how much pain you probably put those women through?? You are good looking and charming, and those women trusted you and showed you there trueselves and they THOUGHT they were connecting with you. But that wasn't the real you, and now those women have been deeply hurt by you and are going to question themselves and be depressed for god knows how long, all because your stupid selfish ass needed to get laid. You are an immature sniveling fuckface. Come on man grow up this ain't middle school.

And you know that lying is more energy right? The more you lie the more you have to remember all your lies, and that's exhausting. Being true and honest you don't have to remember anything! And it feels great when people get to know you and can buy you things you like or invite you places to go to, that feels so special!

And also, ya know how every night you go to bed alone, and have no one to call or talk to? That's what happens to liars, because no one really knows anything about you, so it's hard to have a conversation. The only person that really knows you is you, and that's so lonely. When you are honest though and tune into the human condition, you find so many people to talk to and share life with!! It's a little odd at first because it's hard to be yourself, and you should have got practice at being your self in school, but you couldn't because you were brainwashed by your dispicable and disposable family. That's there fault, not yours!!!! You are finally becoming the real you, isn't that wonderful!! It's going to feel different,but please, please, please stop lying and stop thinking you are a god or some amazing being. Just be you, enjoy the little things and the only time you can lie is when you SEE someone who use to be like you, when you meet a narc in the wild then you can say a small lie like "I have to go" or "I have a meeting to get to." That's the only lie you should tell. You can do it man. You can. Cool your jets, go slow, heal and you'll be fine. Good luck bud, I love you"