The Relentless Fountain of Tears vs My Dad

I've written about my grandmother here before. Well, finally someone called her out and I am beyond elated. I've spent all my life being told not to stand up for myself with her because it'll 'kill her' or 'she'll have a heart attack'. So I've had to let her stomp all over my very normal boundaries all this damn time because I've honestly been scared. I know that she won't die, that's obvious. But it's an innate feeling inside my head that stops me saying anything.

I have said one or two things. And every time I am blamed and made to feel like a shitty person. For example; she hit me. A big smack around the back of my head while I was eating. I grabbed her wrist and said 'do not hit me ever again.'

She cried and told me I was horrible to her and how could I?! Even though she hit me over nothing.

Another time, I was at her house for her birthday with my maternal grandparents. She was loudly complaining to my lovely nana so I could hear her.

RFoT: 'must be nice to be visited all the time, I don't get that. MUST BE NICE. She doesn't love her nanny..'

Me: 'nana lives a short taxi ride away, you live much further, I figure it's not my fault you live so far away'

RFoT: 'SEE HOW SHE SPEAKS TO ME? Awful! So cheeky, I can't believe it!'

To which me and my lovely nana just stared at each other like.. wtf.

Anyway I digress. Last Friday, I was being assessed for disability payments. I have fibromyalgia and PTSD, along with major depressive disorder and general anxiety. All of this combined, I can't work anymore. Physically my body is in turmoil, and most days I can't even got out of bed to shower and eat. It's pretty miserable. But if I do get accepted, then the bit of money I will get, will help me get out more. I've lost my social life and I go a little stir crazy inside all the time.

My dad has been involved in the process since my diagnosis last year. He is adamant that I get the right help and not work, because he's seen how my step mama suffers with her pain issues and knows that I just can't do it. He stops everyone asking me repeatedly about working, because I feel terrible that I can't. So on the day of the assessment, he gets up and his back is not cooperating. He has an old injury and he suddenly panicked because he could barely move and he needed to take me to this assessment.

He asks Step Mama, but she points out that maybe I wouldn't like that because she might not know everything and I could feel panicked talking about it. (I wouldn't, I love that woman and I don't mind her knowing anything about me. But the fact she thought of my anxiety and PTSD, I appreciate that immensely)

So he thinks about it and calls his dad, my grandfather. No answer. He calls his mother, The Relentless Fountain of Tears. She answers and says oh we're just around the corner, I can't hear you very well, we'll come in. He says that he's hurt his back and he's worried that he won't be able to take me like he promised. She says again that she can barely hear him and he says okay, just come round and I'll explain.

This is where shit hit the fan. He expected her to hang up. Only she didn't. He tries to yell down the phone for her to hang up, and he's still there. She can't hear it. And she started to bitch about him and me to my grandfather. Complaining that she didn't want to take me and how could he ask her, and she figures she'll have to do it but she doesn't want to and it's ridiculous etc etc.

My dad heard it all. He then snapped out of it and thought 'duh I can hang up!' and did so. He's pretty angry at this point, because it isn't my fault I'm practically immobile, he never ever asks them for anything and he's also in a lot of pain.

So in they march. No knocking, just walked on in. Which is a big no no for my dad's house. He's waiting in the hallway and says 'hey, stop where you are, i'm taking Bear, you don't need to be here'

RFoT: 'well you rang and asked so we're here now!'

Dad: 'and you! YOU need to learn how to hang up the damn phone before you go talking about people behind their backs. Better yet, stop being so goddamn rude!'

She flounces out immediately. Most likely to cry.

Grandfather: 'now now there's no need to shout, you know what your mother is like..'

Dad: ' no dad, I'm not taking that as an excuse anymore. I don't give a shit if that's how she is, she needs to learn to stop being so fucking rude about people, it's gone on far too long'

Grandfather: 'there's no need for swearing! Don't swear at me!'

Dad: 'for fucks sake dad, I'm not swearing AT you, I'm swearing because I'm furious that she was so rude about both me and Bear who hasn't done anything wrong here. I have a bad back, I called you in a panic because I know she couldn't get the appointment by herself, it doesn't matter, I'm taking her. You just walked in here again without knocking, you know.. just get out of my house'

So he did.

She tried calling my dad a couple of times when we were out and every time he just rolled his eyes and said he's not answering the phone call because it'll be pointless weeping and guilt tripping. He's right. It's her biggest weapon, cry til someone lets her have her way. She fucked up. And she will never ever apologise, it'll never be her fault even though she does this shit frequently.

She leaves voicemails on my phone by accident and all I can hear is her bitching about me. I've heard her call me fat, not that she has any problem saying that to my face. Why the fuck she even has a smart phone beats me.. she can't use it. She doesn't know how to hang up. Sometimes she racks up a huge bill and then yells and cries at the phone company til they take off the charge.. and its her fault!

She hasn't apologised and she probably feels my dad was in the wrong. But considering he's been dealing with her bullshit all his life and I've been dealing with it all my life too, it was just too much. He was in pain, he was worried about me and all she did was whine and be nasty about him asking them to help.

I'm sure she'll somehow blame my step mama for this. Every single thing that doesn't fit in with my grandmother's weird thinking, it's Step Mama's fault. My dad has been able to pull away from his mother's grasp over the last fourteen years, since my sister was born. He has his own life. He's never liked his mother. But obviously it can't be him making the decision to pull away. It must be Step Mama!

And she wonders why people don't visit her. I'm really proud of my dad for not allowing the epic rug sweep that constantly happens with her. He stood up to her. And that's awesome.