I [21/M] don't know if I should give up [21/F]

Hey guys,

Please bear with me. This may be a long post, but I'll try to make a tl;dr that's suitable for those who couldn't finish reading this post.

Here's a little back story. I asked an old friend on a date that I hadn't seen since high school. Basically, I was back at square one with her because it was so long ago since we spoke. First date didn't go so well. Weed was involved, and loads of awkward conversation with her talking about her dead sibling who committed suicide. I didn't know how to console her, so I remained silent. We shouldn't have smoked on the first date. I thought I was paranoid, so I became paranoid.

She was seeing a distorted version me, not the sober one. I feel like I was cheated, and now I regret it.

After our date ended she hugged me. It was our only physical contact throughout the whole thing. I didn't feel confident in her liking me, but she didn't say anything about it on the date. She just wanted me to text her when I got home. But, the stoned, emotional me asked for her validation, which was another mistake.

I told her that I liked her and wondered if she felt the same, and asked her out on a movie date next time. She told me that she liked me as a friend. That response made my heart drop. But then, she said she would love to go on movie date with me. This confused me. She seemed to like me a little on the date, but when I threw all my feelings at her, she went into a ball. Yet, she still agreed to the date, even acknowledging that it was a date.

I know that I may have destroyed the thrill of the "chase", but I was high and emotional. A sober me is more open and charismatic. If only I could have convinced her of this.

I held off on the movie date because mixed feelings are what I was getting, and I really liked this girl. Eventually, I asked her to hang out again, only expecting a more platonic interaction. She agreed, and we smoked again, but everything was awesome this time! We connected on a lot of things. We laughed a lot, and toward the end of our session, she asked me to feel her heartbeat because she thought that her heart was beating too fast. So I placed my hand on her chest, even cuffing a little bit of her boob. She didn't care and I know she wanted me to do that on purpose.

A girl and a boy that are friends don't usually do that. She said that she would like to be friends before, but did she really mean that? Her actions were convincing me that maybe I still had a shot. I didn't want to step on her toes and try to force myself on her; she made the first semi-sexual move on me. Now, I want to put the movie date back on the table because I feel that we know each other's personality at a good basic level. I feel that we could do things together now.

Recently, she liked most of my Facebook posts as usual, and even sent me a Snapchat of her singing one of her favorite songs to me. After that day, I mustered up some courage to send a Snapchat of me singing one of my favorite songs to her. I made it a funny one, but I still sung it pretty good and made her laugh.

After all of that, she made a really emotional post on Facebook about wanting somebody to "love her for her. Be somebody's body, and be treated right." It looked like an original poem that she wrote, and she got a comment on there saying that she should let someone else find her instead of searching herself. She later replied saying that she wasn't looking for any trouble. Why post that then? You obviously want something, but she puts walls up around herself from what I've seen in the past. She's insecure about how she looks, but that doesn't bother me; I like her for who she is. A compassionate woman with a good sense of humor, and a kind heart.

We seem to be clicking, and there's a weird, but positive vibe in the air. I know she can sense it too. If I was put in the friend-zone, I usually accept it and move on, but this seems different. This seems challenging and fun at the same time because I'm trying to figure this girl out like a Rubix cube.

Here's what I was thinking; I was gonna keep our little hang-outs going, but I was going to ask her out on that movie date when we meet again. If she complies, I was gonna test the waters with her to see where we stand. I was gonna do things like putting my arm around her in the movies, and those little playful hand touches because those work wonders! And, by the end of our date, I was going to go for a kiss. The kiss is the hardest part because I feel like there's a 50/50 chance of this working. If I fail, this could destroy our friendship maybe indefinitely, but I also don't wanna regret not trying because I hate to live with "what-if's" in my head. What do you all think I should do?

tl;dr: First date with an old friend goes south, but still getting mixed signals from her. Want to test the waters, but it could end terribly.