I think I just started to regain something that I haven't had in years...innocence.

In the last two days I noticed, for the first time in a long, long time, feeling "re-sensitized" toward sexually suggestive material. At some point in our lives, we became desensitized to sexual material. The more porn we used, the more desensitized we became until we reached a point where porn, and everything leading up to it, became commonplace. Seeing something on a screen, whether hardcore, softcore or whatever else you want to call it, caused us to feel very little. We didn't even notice what was flashing before our eyes.

Last night, I was watching some tv when an ad came on for a new show. I couldn't tell you what the show is, other than it featured two really good looking people who are really into each other. The ad had a segment which was highly sexualized and suggestive. When this was on the tv, I actually felt my face turn away a little and I said out loud, "yuck," before flipping the channel.

I thought to myself, "What a bunch of trash. The only purpose for that scene was to get a rise out of people like me to get us to watch some dumb, new show. How manipulative. The show must be really shallow if that's what it requires to get viewers." I also thought about what a fake relationship that ad depicted; namely, a relationship based totally on selfish motives and devoid of any real human intimacy and connection.

Then, this morning, I was listening to a Top 40 list on Spotify. Some rap and R&B came on, which I'm typically fine with, but one of the songs was explicitly about sex, and was pretty degrading to women, and I stopped everything I was doing, said "ew" under my breath, and went to a new song. I thought, "What a disgusting song. How can you listen to this and not feel dirty."

These two events won't have any meaning for most people. Some people might even find my reactions odd or even pollyanish. But that's not how I view this. Until these two events happened, I had completely forgotten what it was like to feel sensitive about these subjects. I would see inappropriate scenes on tv or hear them in music and wouldn't bat an eye (or ear). I wouldn't have cared.

It's probably been years since I've consciously felt sensitive toward these things, as I did in the last 24 hours. And you know what? It felt great. I guess I never really thought about regaining some innocence when working to overcome this addiction. But innocence (which does not mean ignorance) is a beautiful thing. I guess the world could use some more innocence. It just feels...clean. I hope to continue to feel this innocence. All the best to everyone here!