I'm a senior and I hate my sorority.

I have never felt as lost or out of place as I do right now. I joined my sorority as a sophomore, and after the initial elation of being a member of a "top house" wore off, I realized that I did not really like my chapter at all.

I have no real friends in my chapter, I have no one to go to events with, I literally dreaded going to the house for meals and chapter, and I always feel so out of place when I'm around my sisters (such as now during recruitment week.)

I'm not sure why I've stuck it out this long, I guess I hoped things would improve but they never have. I never felt like I got that close to my pledge class, because I was one of the only sophomores and they were all freshmen and formed their friend groups early on. Everyone is extremely cliquish and I have never felt so lonely in my life as I do when I am surrounded by 100+ girls in my chapter. It also didn't help me that I studied abroad for a semester (which was the highlight of college for me because I didn't have to worry about my sorority for a few months) but when I got back I felt even more out of place and out of the loop.

I have tried everything, from joining committees and even getting a leadership position. And this year I am even living in the house, but I am already thinking that's a mistake because the house girls all have their own cliques already too and I feel like such an outsider.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so disillusioned because everyone else in my house seems to love it and they have found their lifelong friends and made lasting memories, while for me I haven't had any of that. I already feel sick to my stomach thinking about another year of this and living in the house and feeling left out all the time and watching everyone else have fun.

I'm sorry for writing this whole long novel, but I really needed to vent and I have NO ONE I can talk to about it who will understand. I guess I'm also looking for advice or if anyone else has been in this situation, just so I don't feel so alone.