Bitter sweet loneliness and sadness

Been a while since I truly felt this way. Usually life is far too busy for me to notice none of my friends ever hang out with me anymore. But it finally hit me, when my first legitimate crush in a while told me that she was moving further east. At first it made me panic and want to tell her how I felt about her but I came to my senses and realized that nothing really good would come of it if I did. So I again have to remind myself that 1. I'm not her type or at least she has better options than me and 2. Being her friend can be better for us in the longer term.

It sucks that I have had this secret crush and now this secret... Heart break? (Think that's playing it up to much) over the first woman I felt shared so many mutual interest and hobbies. It has created this odd sense of solitude in not being able to tell someone that I like her and sad that nothing will ever come of it. But it's also nice to know I'm still capable of feeling this way about someone. Now all I have to do is learn to stop beating myself up with the 2 most dreaded words my life for the last decade and half... "What if..."