I think therapy may have made things worse

I've been coming out of a depressive episode lasting 5 months. It felt like it was going into remission and I was stabilising. I was feeling more like my old self, having good days, being more cheerful (although by no means content like I have been).

I kind of messed things up by meeting up with a girl I used to date. It triggered something and although it was good to see her and we had a good chat, the day after I felt my depression coming back. Then started to feel better again.

I had been seeing a therapist and we agreed to do some EMDR. It was painful to revisit old memories of when I had got drunk and self-harmed and had intrusive suicidal thoughts, but I felt better after a while. Apparently this is when a painful memory gets reprocessed.

But this memory made me think of subsequent times I had scary suicidal thoughts and by connecting to these memories I felt like I was not only revisiting them, but re-experiencing them. Basically, there was not enough time to reprocess this other connected memory, so the session ended with these persecuting, hateful and self-destructive thoughts going on in my head.

The therapist said it was unfortunate to end things there, as you would normally end when a memory has been reprocessed. She said it would be normal for me to feel negative emotions and to contact her if I felt troubled.

My feeling at the end of the session was that I was working myself up to a point of feeling as bad as possible, and that it wasn't a good idea to this. I felt afraid by forcing myself to focus on the darkest and most painful thoughts I've experienced in the past. I have done this before in a previous psychedelic experience, so it felt kind of like unnecessary torture. But I suppose the EMDR hasn't finished, so I'm hoping there will be some relief.

Right now though my depressive symptoms have come back. I feel like a piece of shit. I'm meant to be moving to a new city but can only imagine how it will fail and I will end up back at my parent's forever like an overgrown child. I couldn't sleep last night. Today I don't want to eat or get out of bed.

I just can't stand how easily I can become so deadened, unmotivated and hopeless.

Does anyone have experience with EMDR? Is this normal?