I've been NC for 13 months and I finally feel calm

I never realized how perpetually keyed-up I was. It's always been hard for me to be home alone because I'll just sit and dissociate and then hate myself for being an unproductive slug. (Alternatively, sometimes I'll read and write in a near-manic state and it feels scary, like I'm not in control of myself.)

BUT.

This week, I've been home alone (my roommates are away, and I'm on break from school), and I feel CALM. I haven't hated myself the whole time. I have had fun creating art projects for myself and reorganizing our apartment and taking walks around my neighborhood. I even spent one day playing video games for four hours and it was FUN and I did NOT feel guilty and self-hating. This must be what normal/non-ACoN feel like.

There's hope, everyone. :)