Soul searching

I'm not even sure how to start this. I am a wife and mother that had been suffering from depression and anxiety my whole life. Been on every med that there is. I've become a functioning alcoholic to deal with stress. Lately it's become even worse. Hiding my drinking, suicidal thoughts. Mind you I could never kill myself. My children mean too much to me and that just seems selfish..... but somehow that makes me feel even more "stuck." I don't have an "out." 'Im thinking I need help. A therapist? I just don't even know how to start this process. My SO thinks I just need to cut back on the drinking, quit the meds all together and just exercise and eat healthier. Simple, right? I have these false starts of the life I want, only to fall back down. Those closest to me just seem to treat this like a passing phase that I just need to snap out of. I just wanted to get this out. Thanks for the allowing me to vent.