Never felt uncomfortable but im now confused.
Some background here, I am 29 yo straight male who has never had an issue feeling comfortable in his own skin. I do remember as a child of maybe 6/7 years old playing dress up with my 2 older sisters. I think we did this the first time at their request and then the second time at my request. I never dressed up a third time until I was maybe 12/13 and I actually went through my mother's clothes. I may have done this a few times, I don't really remember. I liked how the dresses felt and I even tried to apply some makeup, although I'm sure I looked like a clown lol. I do remember wishing I had boobs to fill out the dressed, I think i used toilet paper to stuff them so I could see mounds under a dress. But since then I haven't dressed in any feminine clothes, aside from trying secretly with my girlfriends and just not being able to fit and just giving up.
So I just recently started questioning my gender. Like literally 4 days ago is when it started. I had a pretty vivid dream of myself all dressed up in this gorgeous red dress with long hair and just feeling incredibly happy and alive in my own skin.
The next day it's like this realization fell on top of me like a ton of bricks. I was in my own head for the entire day and couldnt really function productively at work. I came running to subreddits like this one that I had never visited before to help me find some answer, I was just lurking and didn't want to ask it out loud, I was feeling kind of scared and I felt like I was having some kind of anxiety attack the whole time. And then i started going through r/transtimelines to see what others had been able to accomplish after finding out the answers for themselves and to try to see if this is actually something I would want to do.
Now a few days later it feels like I'm back to feeling alright. I'm not obsessing about it like I was the past few days (constantly reading stories and looking at other's time lines) and I am productive at work.
Was this just a false alarm or do you think i'm actually trans and I just pushed down the feelings so I wouldnt have to deal with them?
Posted Aug 25, 2017, 12:20 PM UTC