Dread.

I work night shifts in Sydney and although I have managed to joke about it until now, I have had some serious problems recently with dread and my anxiety before I start work.

I start work at midnight and at around 9:30PM I start to get tired and remember that I have to stay awake. At 10:00PM, I want to rid myself of all ideas of work and make a lifelong commitment to sleep all day. It is by 10:30PM that I start thinking about plans to change my hours, or retire, and by 11:00PM, I am swearing in my head.

However, and this is the interesting part, when I start work and get on the floor, I enjoy it. It is just when I am approaching work, when I realise that if I did not work, I would be asleep.

I have not always been able to sleep after work either. I have a baby nephew I have to look after three days a week, two of which collide with work. He wakes up at 6:00AM, I finish at 4:00AM. I go bat shit crazy, but only for the couple of hours leading up to work, and if I am awake and looking after my nephew.

I have thought of changing my hours, but there is no work to be moved, outside of late hours, and I cannot resign for at least six months, when I return to Uni.

How can I prevent this killing me? This is not sustainable. All I know is that I am missing the chance to go a unique football game tomorrow, because I have to sleep tomorrow morning. In six hours and counting....