I just have to tell someone

I'm in an open marriage. I'm away from home for a couple days and decided to go ahead with meeting a guy I'd been talking to. He is a successful and outwardly respectable man who's a little older than me.

He agreed to wear a condom so I had them on the nightstand.

When we got to my room he became surprisingly aggressive, shoving me to the bed and pulling off my panties and then his own clothes. I had mentioned liking it rough so this was okay.

Then he got on top and penetrated me without a condom. I pushed on his chest and told him to put on a condom but he ignored me and started thrusting. I was embarrassingly wet.

I told him again to put one on and he said it wouldn't feel as good for him.

I'm 5'3" and he was six feet tall and strong. He just retired from the military and kept in shape.

I should have protested more but I didn't. I let him keep going. It did feel physically good so I tried to relax and enjoy it.

Then he pulled out and flipped on his back, taking my hair in his hand and pulling while telling me to go down on him.

I did it. It felt like forever. He was moaning and grunting and I just wanted him to finish and leave.

Then he put me on all fours and asked if I could do anal. I don't know why but I said yes, as long as he wasn't rough.

I've had a lot of anal sex in my life but it's always been careful and gentle. He went hard, harder than I ever had before. He did it like a guy would do rough vaginal. That hard.

I kept telling him it hurt and that it was too much. He finally pulled out and stuck it back in my vagina, which is disgusting but I didn't care.

He pulled out and stood up in the bed and finished all over my back.

As he got off the bed he casually told me that I was bleeding. "So you're not surprised when you see it".

I got dressed while he went to the bathroom. He asked if we could meet the next morning and I made an excuse.

That's when he mentioned that he WAS married, he said he couldn't meet the following evening because he had plans to entertain with his wife.

He seemed surprised when I declined his second request to meet the next morning.

I ignored his texts until the next day. He really wanted to meet again. I said no, that I was upset about the condom thing and the very rough anal. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.

It's been two days and I'm so angry. I just had to tell someone. I couldn't even stay in that hotel, I took a loss on the room and went somewhere else.

I don't think it was rape rape but I feel so violated. I want to tell my family but I can't, they'd disapprove of my open marriage. I can't tell my husband, he'd blame me. That's just how he is.

The weird thing is I can't cry. I just can't. Part of me wants to text him and scare the living hell out of him. To make him sweat and fear.

He was dumb enough to bring his work ID badge to my room. I know his full name. When he was in the bathroom I got pics of his shoes and clothes on the floor and his ID and keys on the dresser. I took a pic of his pickup in the parking lot as he walked back to it.

I found his Facebook. His wife's and his grown kids' facebooks. I could burn his marriage to the ground, I could make his life hell.

But I don't want to because it will only make me feel worse. My life hasn't been easy so I already see a shrink, I'll talk to her about this.

Thanks.